i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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