so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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