I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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