I feel great
I just peed on a car
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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