My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
