I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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