I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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