I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
