Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
