Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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