Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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