Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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