How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
accomplished twins. life is a go
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Found your dick twin last night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
