so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
