I just cut my nipple shaving
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Two words: blizzard sex
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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