Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
