What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
