david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
two words...techno handjob
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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