We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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