if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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