you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
