I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
