I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
