Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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