We're facebook friends in real life
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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