no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
