with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
