i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
