I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
