And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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