Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
