Just fell off a train. Bad.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
