I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
