One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
