apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
