Umm I'm too high to move.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize