i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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