WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
