actually, I'm a sock model
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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