In America we eat man semen.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
