Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
