I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
