Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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