Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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