She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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