a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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