I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize