my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
