my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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