Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
