Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
