She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
