Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
