Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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