Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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