Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
