K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize