I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
