TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Girls should come with a carfax report
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
