dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We need to get me chipped asap
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize