this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i now understand why vodka
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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