Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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