so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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