Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
