I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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