3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
