Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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