I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
