I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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