____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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