You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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