I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
