Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize