So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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