The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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