My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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