There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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