fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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