I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
