I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
