how can u be prego again
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
