he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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