You just made me feel so damn special
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
