Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
