No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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