The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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