fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I deserve this hangover.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
