I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i think i just lost a toe
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
