I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
