Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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