What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
