dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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