So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
