I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
