and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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