Your mouth is God's brothel.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
