At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
